Evidence of Angels

I do love a day with a good, strong theme running through it; weaving itself in and out of my daily happenings like a beautiful spider web. I think every day has a theme (and oftentimes more than one) running through it; it's just a matter of whether we're aware of it or not. Most of us aren't: we go through the quotidian motions in autopilot, oftentimes writing off the tiniest of miracles as mundane. Maybe it's because I've been working on my novel more fastidiously in these past weeks, causing me to see the world around me as an entire network of stories waiting to be told; of themes and characters waiting to be brought to life. A spider weaves its web in the night, nearly invisible to the naked eye, only to be revealed the next morning by tiny beads of dew clinging to each thread; the web is always there, you just have to know how to see it.

These past couple days I've noticed that the theme is loss, and yet as I followed the threads to the get a better view, the web that was revealed was actually surprisingly beautiful and fulfilling. A couple days ago I was reading Jane Yolen's blog and she'd written a touching entry about the 4 year anniversary of her husband's death. That same day I found out from my mom that one of my dad's college roommates lost his battle to cancer. I found myself thinking a lot about my loved ones the next couple days, and how I would deal with that loss; I didn't get far because even the thought was overwhelmingly heavy.

But there was something that Jane Yolen wrote in her blog that stuck with me. She talked about working through the grieving process, and posted one of the many poems she wrote during that period. She posted one titled "Grief is not", and I found the last stanza to be especially poignant:

Grief is not unwelcome here

for it reminds me of how much I've lost,

and how blessed I was

to have so much to lose.

Yesterday afternoon I happened to finish my day near the San Francisco library, so I went in and wrote in my journal for a bit. On my way out I noticed a little cart selling used library books, so I took a moment of course!) to sift through the piles. I ended up choosing to buy 2 children's books (see pictures below)-one of which was a story of a woman who lost her husband and was able to work through the grieving process by reaching out to her guardian angels. Those angels revealed to her that she's not alone in her grief and loss-that many others around her share that same burden. And as the author began to share in her grief with those around her, a miraculous thing happened: the weight on her heart lifted and she realized that the beauty of the whole situation was that she even had her husband to lose, and that she was not alone.

I'm not sure why this particular theme of loss has become so prevalent in my life as of late, but I'll have to agree with Mrs. Yolen that I'm just happy to be aware of how blessed I am to have so much to lose.

Red, White and Snow!

"If I can do this, I can do anything!"

Me at the top of Bald Mountain at Deer Valley!

It has been an exhausting and absolutely wonderful past few days, and now that I'm home and have had time to reflect, I feel so blessed to have been a part of such an amazing fundraising experience!

I just returned from Park City, Utah, where I poured Carina Cellars wines at Red, White and Snow...one of the biggest fundraisers for the National Ability Center (NAC). Founded in 1985, the NAC enables individuals with physical and cognitive disabilities to develop lifetime skills by providing sports and recreational experiences in a nurturing environment. In their mission statement they boast of promoting "the concept of ability through integration, public awareness, and education," and over the past few days I have come to experience what great work they do first-hand.

Red, White and Snow is a 3-day long fundraiser that brings winemakers from California out to Park City to pour wine at numerous events in order to raise money to fund the various programs they offer. In 3 days I poured at 2 tastings and 2 dinners, and had the privilege to meet a variety of people from all over the country (chefs, vintners, athletes, para-olympians) who came together to make this event possible. And I even learned to ski!

And yet the biggest lesson I learned was this: to feel. I know I'm not alone when I admit that there are times when my mind is going a mile a minute, and is so overloaded that by the end of the day I just crash; mentally exhausted. In learning to ski, I'll admit that the past couple times I've gone, it's been a rather terrifying experience because I wasn't able to control myself; the whole time I kept thinking about how I could fall that might hurt the least amount or how to slow myself down. This time though, my teacher Sally Tauber (president of the NAC and a skiing legend), gave me the simplest piece of advice: allow your body to feel which way the skis want to go, and which way your momentum takes you. It took a few runs to change my mentality from panicked over-analyzation to be solely in the moment, but once I cleared my mind and allowed my entire body and mind to simply feel, I no longer struggled. I did fall several more times, but it was ok because I allowed my mind to realize that it's ok to fall; that's part of the learning.

I know I tend to over-extend myself and try to do too much: to take on too many work projects, to try to accomplish too many personal goals in an unrealistic time period. At times I become so over-loaded that I know I'm not completely present in what I'm doing that very moment. So in life, as in skiing, I've realized that I need to allow myself to stop thinking, to clear my mind, and feel what my next move should be. And after this weekend I know it felt right to be supporting such an amazing organization, and I look forward to allowing my momentum to take me where it will.

Pouring the 2003 Carina Cellars Iconoclast at the library tasting at The St. Regis at Deer Valley

"Wine on the Mountain" tasting event on the terrace at the St. Regis at Deer Valley. Posing with my new wine friends: Rory Lynch of Terra Valentine, Erin Eagan of the NAC, Brandon Webster of Young's Market, and the Schweiger team!

Jenn Atkins of the NAC with my Dad and I at the St. Regis

My amazing parents: Lynda and David, who came out and supported me at all of the events!

Kitschy Kitchen

When I was a little girl, I remember spending hours in the kitchen. Unfortunately I can't say that I was following my mom around and learning how to cook (although I certainly consumed as much cookie dough and brownie batter as was allowed). I recall discovering the wonders of the kitchen from a different angle: pots and pans became drums and wooden spoons my drumsticks. Tuperware became the building blocks for plastic cities, and toothpicks stuck in the carpet became villages (note to younger self: do not leave toothpick villages on the stairs unattended). Not entirely unusual, but when the melon baller became a flute, I'm sure that's when my parents began to wonder.

While I can't say that this early love of kitchen utensils led to a career as a chef later in life, I will admit that I still love playing with kitchen utensils. And with companies like Williams Sonoma, Pylones, Zak!Designs, and The Greens... I'm happy to say that I'm not alone.

For those of you who may (or may not) share my passion for playing in the kitchen, here are a few of the companies I've discovered over the years, whose goals are to make mealtime more fun.

The first in my collection, this Happy Spoon is created by Zak!designs. The cool thing about this company is that they've been creating clever cookware since 1976, and are dedicated to going Green and community service.

This Williams Sonoma spatula was given to me by my parents for Christmas last year. I've always loved this company, and their products last forever! They carry mostly conventional-looking products, but occasionally they create fun items such as this.

I discovered The Greens Boston Warehouse at a kiosk in a mall in New York a couple months ago. These products are not only clever named, they are also made of recycled plastic and wood, and can be recycled themselves when you're done with them! Allow me to introduce you to Mayor Corey Green Apple Corer.

I also discovered this company during my recent trip to New York, in a store in Soho. Pylones began in France in 1985, and their only stores in the US are in New York...however hours can be passed browsing their creations online! It took me a while to decide which item to take home, and eventually I chose the Nonna Cheesegrater, and this squid whisk (which Matt and I decided to rename a squidisk).

The Fringe Benefits of Failure

J.K. Rowling Speaks at Harvard Commencement from Harvard Magazine on Vimeo.

One of my favorite writers, J. K. Rowling, gave the above commencement speech at Harvard, and I felt called to post it here because it is so beautiful and poignant and speaks about a topic that all of us can learn from: failure. Rowling is an inspiration to me in both her work as a writer, and in her tenacity to for living life and following her dreams at all costs. When I studied abroad in Scotland during the summer of 2005 I visited the Elephant Cafe in Edinburgh, where Rowling wrote the first parts of Harry Potter on napkins...when Harry Potter was still just a dream. And as I sat sipping my tea in that cafe, I remember thinking how wonderfully odd it would be to one day sit in a similar cafe and look back at my writing career with the same awe and sense of accomplishment; to know that I never gave up my dream.

Of course now Harry Potter is beloved in homes all over the world, but to get to that point, Rowling walked a long, hard road fraught with failure. In listening to this speech, it was those points that allowed her to learn the most about herself; where she discovered her ability to persevere. I find it utterly fascinating and heartening to be reminded that even my writing heroes have had their off-days, but their passion for the craft drove them through it.

Currently one of my favorite quotes is something that Henry David Thoreau said: "I can't give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time." A helpful reminder that the only person whose happiness you have complete control over is your own. Simple? Sometimes more so than not, but for me it's a much-needed reminder to strip away the inessential, to realize who I am and what I'm capable of doing. To truly live life, to love the people I meet, and to share my dream and empathy, with all those around me.

"What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality". As Rowling says, we touch other peoples' lives simply by existing, and each of us have the power within to change the world...and to imagine better.